Army of Darkness vs the Vampire Slayer
by Dakana Garretson
Summary: Sunnydale, location of the Hellmouth and home to all sorts of unhuman evil is about to recieve a visit from the most evil dead that ever existed, and one of the greatest heroes ever known.
1. Problem

Message from Author – Why has nobody done this yet? To me this crossover seems ... OBVIOUS but nobody has done it. So, here we go. I hope everybody enjoys. And don't worry, this chapter is just a prelude, the rest of it will be better. I'm using this part just to lead to when the two parties meet. I have amazing ideas for this story. What are they? Wait and see.

Chapter 1 - Problem

Sunnydale park in the middle of the night. Not many humans walked through here at night. Mostly they were the undead and those who hunted them.

Xander Harris was walking through. He said he was helping Buffy with her patrol, hoping it would earn him some points with her. It made sense at the time, but now he was actually walking through the park at night ... in the dark ... with no light ... it was getting to him.

He turned at every noise. Sure he was strong but he was no slayer, he couldn't take on a vampire by himself, let alone anything else that might appear. He turned to the woods to see a light shining through the trees. Xander swallowed his fear and made his way through.

Through the trees he made it to a small clearing, holding a single wooden shed, with an amazingly bright light emerging from it. He saw multiple shadows coming forth from the light, slouching and hobbling like ... zombies.

"JOIN UUUUUS!!!" howled a voice from the shed ... and Xander turned and ran. He knew when to retreat and this was the time.

The next day, at Giles' home, Xander tried to explain what happened, not very successfully

"Join us? Is that what they said? Well I must say ... it isn't really much to go on" Giles said

Xander sighed, he was NEVER taken seriously

"Well, big glowing light? Zombie like creatures, seems pretty nasty to me. I didn't see any more because strangely I didn't want to die!"

Giles raised his eyebrow and walked over to his bookshelf. He started flicking through his old books to see if anything was written about it. Through all of his books, there didn't seem to be any mention of the phenomenon. Strange for something so ... unique.

He looked up to the door as Buffy walked straight in

"anything new?" she asked curiously

"well, obviously you haven't learned how to knock, but apart from that not much. I still can't work out what this phenomenon is, how its come about, or how to stop it"

Buffy just smiled "Well I'll do what I usually do. Go out on patrol, hunt it down, and make it go away"

Meanwhile in the park, A portal opened, and a single human fell to the ground. He stood up , brushed himself off, and groaned.

"They never leave me alone".

He removed his shotgun from it's holster, and went hunting.

Later that night, Buffy went on Patrol. She didn't mess around tonight, she went STRAIGHT to the source of the problems, to the shed that Xander had been to the previous night. The light was there, not as strong as before, but it was still there, and there was an ... odd feeling about the place.

She stepped closer, when there was a noise ... and another. She turned to see zombie after zombie come at her. She immediately knew what to do, and fought them with all the strength she could muster. They were all VERY strong for zombies, and she could just barely keep them off her. Suddenly, one of them appeared from behind her, and grabbed her, throwing her to the floor. She looked up at it approaching.

It opened it's mouth and screamed "ILL SWALLOW YOUR SOUL!"

"Kiss my boomstick!" a voice said

and there was a great bang, the head of the zombie was blown off, and the surrounding zombies ran for cover.

The man stepped closer and gave her his hand "What's your name, girly?"

Buffy supressed the desire to kick him for calling her "Girly", and took his hand "I'm Buffy, what about you?"

"Me?" the man said. "My name is Ash ... and you have a problem!"


	2. Question

[Note from Author : If you're curious about Ash's rendition of events, I'm using the Regeneration time line for this story]

Ash sat, spread out over Giles' sofa, his Chainsaw hanging down the side, and his shotgun resting beside him.

"So let me get this straight" he said "you fight vampires ... huge bags of ugly with bad teeth and a blood complex, using stakes, maces, crossbows, and other medieval warfare paraphernalia from the blood ages, and you call ME extravagant?"

Giles looked over to him "well ... yes I suppose when you put it that way, my collection of weaponry does make your chainsaw and shotgun seem insignificant, it just seems so ... brutish"

Ash rolled his eyes "and of course, vampires require only the finest most refined form of slaying, huh? Gimme a break".

He looked over the room to Buffy, who was standing with her back to the wall

"I suppose its to be expected when your slayer is such a pretty young thing. Hey baby, ever heard of heavy weaponry? Or would it break a nail?"

Buffy growled at him "for your information, I am the slayer!"

Ash opened his eyes wide in mock fascination. "ohhhh, I had no idea you'd got a TITLE, that makes EVERYTHING better. Listen up, toots, I've been through hell and back, fighting zombies in more places than you've ever dreamed of. I think I know a bit more about it than you"

Buffy went to say something, but Giles stepped in "Listen, I know you have ... different thoughts on what makes a slayer, but now that you're here I suggest you get on with it!"

Buffy sighed and nodded slightly, while Ash got up and walked over to her

"The old man is right, why should we be fighting when we should work together!"

he threw his arm around her back and pulled her close

"Gimme some sugar, baby!" he said, winking to her

Buffy growled and gave him a punch to the face. Ash stepped backwards, knocked back, a look of shock on his face.

"Hey!!! what did I do?"

the door opened, and Spike ran inside, holding the regular blanket over his head to protect himself from the rays of the sun.

"Hey there ... Thought I should just let you know that ... " and then his eyes landed on Ash ... who turned to stare at him, leapt from the sofa, and ran to him boomstick in hand. He pushed the gun against Spike's chest as Buffy pushed him away

"Leave him alone! He's a friend!"

Ash sighed "Great, I might have known. The first nasty that I see here and I can't kill him because he's a "friend". Maybe I'm missing the meaning of the word "slaying" here".

Spike sighed "who the bloody hell is this?"

Giles looked up "Oh, this is Ashley Williams. He's a zombie hunter from another dimension it seems"

Ash looked up at him, annoyed by the monotonous way he said it

"Sure!" he shouted "say it like its normal, and the name's ASH!"

Giles turned "well this is all we know at the moment. If you'd care to enlighten us with why you're here then go ahead, we would enjoy hearing it"

Ash smirked "Alrite. It all started with a book ... the book, The Necronomicon Exmortis, Roughly translated, ..."  
"The book of the Dead, yes, I know of it" Giles butted in  
"Not heard of that book for many years now, thought it was a myth" Spike said, curiously

"ERM! Do ya mind? I WAS telling the story here!" Ash shouted angrilly.

"The book likes to disappear, taking all those around it into new and strange places. First I found it at a cabin in the woods, where it killed off the ones that I held close to me one by one. I was found, and they threw me in an insane asylum. I mean come on, who'd believe a nut-job surrounded by the corpses of his friends with a CHAINSAW attached to his arm when he tells ya it was the deadites that did it? Anyway I thought it was over, but then they came back, and as usual, I was the one who had to save the day. Once that was over I thought I could finally rest, but no, they decided another portal was needed, and so here I am, right next to you, and annoyed out of my skull!"

He sighed to himself, when they heard a noise outside, and then another, and then a crash as something was knocked over. Ash gulped, he didn't know what was out there, but he had a fairly good idea.

The team (minus Spike. It was getting late but the sun hadn't completely gone down yet) went to see what was going on, and who was lurking around outside. They could hear a strange voice muttering to itself. Ash listened carefully

"Oh no!"

"what is it?" Buffy asked

"Oh god no, not him, anyone but him!"

Then from nowhere, a small creature leapt out of the shadows "ASH!"

Buffy quickly pulled out a stake, impaled the thing's heart, and it exploded

"there, no more , what was that thing, a nemesis?"

Ash looked around, searching for something "Not as such"

"Then what is it?" Buffy asked, before having her attention pulled away.

There was a noise like electricity, and they turned to see the small creature appearing from the ground. He was ... a small human, with one side of him zombified

"Ey! What did'ja do DAT for, HUH?" he shouted

Ash slapped his forehead with his hand

"... The sidekick"


End file.
